Crypto and mental health

I’ve struggled with various mental health issues my whole life. As an adult my illness has manifested itself primarily through addiction and depression with occasional bouts of compulsive behavior and anxiety. In recent years I’ve managed to reign in my most destructive habits and while I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to be completely honest with anyone about what I’ve gone through I’ve been much more open about my struggles with the people close to me. I’m healthier and more grounded than I used to be but I still thrive on a little chaos. My work used to provide me with the fix I needed but the pandemic changed things. After a while of being a voyeur I came into a little money and got into crypto. The volatility and risk definitely scratch an itch for me. The fact that it happens 24/7 makes my insomnia an asset instead of a liability. The notion of investing in a future gives me a way to look past the present uncertainty and focus on something better. For myself personally in a financial sense but also collectively for society if we can realize the promise some of this decentralized technology may offer.

I’ve talked to my partner about my interest in crypto since the beginning and have been transparent about the money we’ve put in. We’ve agreed on boundaries that are being honored. It’s a dimension of my life that doesn’t have a complicated past. That’s allowed some of the feelings I’m working through to come out and be explored in a context that feels safe and low stakes. It’s a tangible subject to attach my intangible existential dread, my paranoia, my optimism that I just might be able to outsmart a corrupt system rigged to destroy us all.

It’s too soon to say if my new obsession will be a net positive. It’s certainly costing me money and sleep, but I’ve lost those things before and with no possible upside. I do hope that it may pay literal dividends some day but for now at least it has me owning some things that have been hard to articulate. I know there is real potential in this space for both growth and destruction and walking that line makes me feel alive. I’m making clarity and intention priorities so I can be a better investor but also better at life in general. I bet some of you feel the same. I hope that anyone out there who is struggling finds the strength and support you need to find your way to the other side and that just maybe we’ll be richer for it. Take care of yourselves friends.

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